The Piss & Fart

 

 

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The Piss & Fart

via Number Two Guide by cshatts on 3/26/10

No Pissy Farters Allowed

Rule #1 - It is natural for your muscles to relax when peeing. It is also natural for a man to get aroused when reading Maxim at the local Border's. Does that mean it's acceptable to T.C.O.B.? No - sometimes you have to restrain yourself. 

Rule #2 - A public bathroom isn't always empty when it's quiet. Please, do a thorough check of the stalls if you think you'll need to fart at the urinal.

Rule #3 - Grunting noises are unacceptable. Million Dollar Baby is a sad movie, but I refuse to cry at the end. You must fight the urge to audibly express the sensation you're feeling.

Rule #4 - If you happen to accidentally fart while at the urinal:

• In the presence of someone you know - acknowledge it, either with an 'excuse me,' dorky laugh, or 'whoops'
• In the presence of a stranger - act like nothing happened

Farting at the urinal is a different beast than farting in a stall. If you can, relegate the public bathroom fart only to the privacy of the stall. When you're at a urinal, you're out in the open, and I see it as no different than: farting in line at the movie theater; farting at the dinner table when you're saying grace; farting during your acceptance speech at the Oscar's; or farting at your grandfather's funeral, during the eulogy.

The public bathroom is a public space. Rule #5 - treat is as such.

 

 

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Pet Waste Disposal Employee Finds Bunch of Bills in a Mound of Turds

 

 

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Pet Waste Disposal Employee Finds Bunch of Bills in a Mound of Turds

via PoopReport.com by ChiefThunderbutt on 7/19/10

A pet poop cleanup worker in St. Louis recently saw what appeared to be money sticking out of a pile of one of his customer's dog's turds. Steve Wilson, an employee of Doody Calls Pet Waste, was unsure of
what to do at first, but he decided upon gingerly removing the moolah from the feces, sanitizing the bills, and returning them to the dog's owner.

It turns out there were fifty-eight dollars worth of bills which, although torn, had intact serial numbers. This meant they could be exchanged for new bills and gives yet another meaning to the term "good shit."

I don't know about the rest of you, but I may don a pair of rubber gloves and head out on a turd search. I would think that the local doggy park is a good place to start.

 

 

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The Unexpected Poo

 

 

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The Unexpected Poo

via The Poo Blog by tapirum on 1/29/10

Do you ever wander into the bathroom to wee, then think 'Hmm, maybe I could do a poo', sit down and – wham! – out comes a huge poo! That's what happened here. See? They don't all have a long gestation period. This one was the result of eating a steak with a potato and vegetables, and I think it might be the perfect poo.

 

 

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The Phantom Shitter is Back......

Folks, thanks for your patience. I've been swamped with fecal-related activities lately. I'm sorry I haven't been able to devote sufficient time to the the thing I love most--updating blog posts, tweets, and text messages about pooping. Without you, my loyal followers, none of this would be possible. A few of you have reached out to me under a variety of circumstances.....Sometimes in a pinch, caught between a rock and a hard place with shit stains on your underpants or a clogged toilet about to overflow. I hope that the advice I have shared has saved you unnecessary embarrassment. I can assure you that I have seen and heard every possible toilet stall tragedy. After all, I am the Phantom Shitter. This is what I do.

In an effort to be more responsive to my readers, I've decided to make myself available through an additional channel. You will now be able to connect with me directly through telephonic means. This means I will be accepting SMS, MMS (videos), and, in a very limited capacity, direct telephone calls. My number is (510) A-BIG-POO.

Due to my very busy schedule, I will not be available to take each call.
Please reach out to me with a direct call only--and I repeat only--- if the situation is absolutely critical. That means you have either shat yourself or have some very extenuating circumstances.
Feel free to SMS freely, as I have an unlimited message plan.

I hope this finds each of you well, and as always, Good Poo to You.

TPS

The Phantom Shitter is Back......

Folks, thanks for your patience. I've been swamped with fecal-related activities lately. I'm sorry I haven't been able to devote sufficient time to the the thing I love most--updating blog posts, tweets, and text messages about pooping. Without you, my loyal followers, none of this would be possible. A few of you have reached out to me under a variety of circumstances.....Sometimes in a pinch, caught between a rock and a hard place with shit stains on your underpants or a clogged toilet about to overflow. I hope that the advice I have shared has saved you unnecessary embarrassment. I can assure you that I have seen and heard every possible toilet stall tragedy. After all, I am the Phantom Shitter. This is what I do.

In an effort to be more responsive to my readers, I've decided to make myself available through an additional channel. You will now be able to connect with me directly through telephonic means. This means I will be accepting SMS, MMS (videos), and, in a very limited capacity, direct telephone calls. My number is (510) A-BIG-POO.

Due to my very busy schedule, I will not be available to take each call.
Please reach out to me with a direct call only--and I repeat only--- if the situation is absolutely critical. That means you have either shat yourself or have some very extenuating circumstances.
Feel free to SMS freely, as I have an unlimited message plan.

I hope this finds each of you well, and as always, Good Poo to You.

TPS

You knew this one was coming

Google Street View Captures Public Defecation on H Street

Props to Frozen Tropics for sharing this Google Street View image of a man who appears to be trying to take a dump on a busy sidewalk in the 500 block of H Street NE. "WOW" is right.

There are several remarkable things about this image: 1) that it was captured by Google's Street View team in such clarity; 2) that it's the middle of the day, in absolutely plain view, and 3) that there are five other people strolling by like it's no big thing. Do we really live in a city where the sight of a grown man squatting on the sidewalk with his pants down around his ankles is zero cause for concern?

Go ahead and play with the angle on this one. Double click to zoom.


View 519 H St NE in a larger map

You knew this one was coming

Google Street View Captures Public Defecation on H Street

Props to Frozen Tropics for sharing this Google Street View image of a man who appears to be trying to take a dump on a busy sidewalk in the 500 block of H Street NE. "WOW" is right.

There are several remarkable things about this image: 1) that it was captured by Google's Street View team in such clarity; 2) that it's the middle of the day, in absolutely plain view, and 3) that there are five other people strolling by like it's no big thing. Do we really live in a city where the sight of a grown man squatting on the sidewalk with his pants down around his ankles is zero cause for concern?

Go ahead and play with the angle on this one. Double click to zoom.


View 519 H St NE in a larger map