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No Pissy Farters Allowed
Rule #1 - It is natural for your muscles to relax when peeing. It is also natural for a man to get aroused when reading Maxim at the local Border's. Does that mean it's acceptable to T.C.O.B.? No - sometimes you have to restrain yourself.
Rule #2 - A public bathroom isn't always empty when it's quiet. Please, do a thorough check of the stalls if you think you'll need to fart at the urinal.
Rule #3 - Grunting noises are unacceptable. Million Dollar Baby is a sad movie, but I refuse to cry at the end. You must fight the urge to audibly express the sensation you're feeling.
Rule #4 - If you happen to accidentally fart while at the urinal:
Farting at the urinal is a different beast than farting in a stall. If you can, relegate the public bathroom fart only to the privacy of the stall. When you're at a urinal, you're out in the open, and I see it as no different than: farting in line at the movie theater; farting at the dinner table when you're saying grace; farting during your acceptance speech at the Oscar's; or farting at your grandfather's funeral, during the eulogy.
The public bathroom is a public space. Rule #5 - treat is as such.
A pet poop cleanup worker in St. Louis recently saw what appeared to be money sticking out of a pile of one of his customer's dog's turds. Steve Wilson, an employee of Doody Calls Pet Waste, was unsure of
what to do at first, but he decided upon gingerly removing the moolah from the feces, sanitizing the bills, and returning them to the dog's owner.
It turns out there were fifty-eight dollars worth of bills which, although torn, had intact serial numbers. This meant they could be exchanged for new bills and gives yet another meaning to the term "good shit."
I don't know about the rest of you, but I may don a pair of rubber gloves and head out on a turd search. I would think that the local doggy park is a good place to start.
Do you ever wander into the bathroom to wee, then think 'Hmm, maybe I could do a poo', sit down and – wham! – out comes a huge poo! That's what happened here. See? They don't all have a long gestation period. This one was the result of eating a steak with a potato and vegetables, and I think it might be the perfect poo.