The Daily Deuce: May 2008

"Man is a civilized animal; nevertheless he requires proper instruction and a good nature, and then of all animals he becomes the most divine and civilized; but if insufficiently or ill-educated, he is the most savage of earthly creatures"

- Plato

Trapped in Elevator... with Diarrhea - Funny blooper videos are here

Top Texts (Pre-Twitter Era)

"Eating an omelette called the Ditka. Anticipating problems later" --Robert, Chicago, IL
" A Weekend of exclusively fried foods and nothing resembling a vegetable has just led to a gigantic log. That was a lot of work, might be time for a nap." --Pope Benedict
"Just took a shit the size of my head. I thought burritos only came in that size" La Bamba customer, Champaign, IL
"Just made a laxative for dinner some folks call chinese food. Chocolate sauce shooting out my ass" Jeff, DC
" I think a dead animal just crawled out of my ass crack" --the Juice, Schaumburg, IL
"Poo island in the toilet bowl sea."-- Unknown -
"Just dropped a poo with some major girth. Might be walking funny today" -Bill R. Massachusetts
Just dropped a major dook. Took an inch of my waist" Charles Gary, Potomac MD
"Just had a tear roll out of my eye this poop hurt that much. Wow"
"Try Angel Soft....It's choice"
"Mucil, grain hustk and 3 days of veg have me pooping logs of eye watering perfection" --Stan, Iowa
"Last night at 2:34 AM one of the top 5 dumps of the 21st century was delivered to the NYC sewer system. Thought you alll should know." -- proud New York resident
"Plopimus Explosivo!" -- Wayne, Wheaton IL
"Fiber is a miracle grain. Try it for your runs. I swear by it." --Guy with the runs
"Just Won a Brown Medal" --Olympic hopeful
"Just played Beethoven's 5th Symphony out of my bunghole" -- Unknown
"I'm letting out some arctic winter ice breakers in the middle stall" Unknown
"Squeezin my cheeks walking from the el hoping I dont shit my pants. It's not pretty here" --DAn, Chicago on the commute home from work
(In response to a suggestion to get a colonic, writer replied: "Actually current thinking is colonics upsets the bacterial ecosystem's delicate interdependent balancing act--dont polish a turd....let it rock the rear amp stack."
"This is an alpha turd......it will finish when it wants and will not be told when that is.....It's like waiting at tje airport."
"Just made a turd island in the toilet bowel [sic] sea."
"Oh dear, swamp mud emanates from the waste slurp pipe. I was on such a streak until this....." -JP, Austin, TX
"I think I just sharted." --Bob, Kansas City
"At LaGuardia Airport. I should have eaten this Wendy's meal on teh toilet." -- Holiday Traveler, Chicago
"Just hatched a turd so gnarly, it climbed out the bowl and gave itself a courtesy flush." -Joe P., Chicago
"Just dropped the kids off at the pool for an afternoon dip." --- Richard, Chicago
"Key in door to ass on toilet....3 seconds. Carl Lewis poo dash" --Joe P., Chicago
"My ass does plucketh nuggets fro the earthly ether of myriad form and substance, smell and Sensation." ---Padraig O'Halleran, Dublin Ireland
"Taking a dump and getting paid for it thanks to you, the American taxpayer. Thank you." ---Unknown, Washington, DC
"Backing the proverbial big brown caddy out of the garage--plop" -Unknown

The Daily Deuce

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Caught between a Turd and a Hard Place

Caught between a Turd and a Hard Place

Top Texts (Pre-Twitter Era)